Nick%$@-& Brady

Greetings - I'm afraid I am currently out of the office doing
something exciting like flicking ants off my hammock in Guatamala - so
please bear with me whilst I align my email antenna over the next few
days. Oh...and please don't phone me as I'll spill my gin and tonic.

Many thanks,
Nick. Hey Nick,, I imagine you guys are home safe and sound now,,, just wanted to break the silence, and not only for pissing you off,,,, are you still pissed off?  Im thinking you had a pretty nice time all in all,,,, though I dont want to assume.  
but I do want to say Thank You very much for your kind efforts and hard work.  
hey ,, I found out how to use the jake brakes,,,,, thats what I had wanted to write you for a long time, cause it was months ago that I found out how to use them,,,, though I must say,, we left the coke bottles up for quite a while.
but no really,,,, we were never best of freinds,, and probly will never be such,, but for a few moments,, we played at accepting each others behavior.  
for now take care,,,, 
Brady ,, and of course Irmi too.

Hello Brady.

Whilst pondering whether to reply I had to also ponder with what words to reply with.....and eventually I came to the conclusion that I really don't have many that are of any use, since most are all pointy finger ones which just aren't going to be heard. It was a great idea, but well - it didn't exactly become all that you sold to us. I wouldn't have missed it for the world, but most of the pleasure was after I left, and I would with hindsight leave at exactly the same point again. You see I thought we were friends (crazy huh !)  - until that is you showed me otherwise....and I was actually aware of the Jake brake before you it seems - oh well.

I guess I can at least say thank you for your (was it really 20 years ?) organising of the trip which enlightened me so much - thanks !

So here is the 'Fuck the Cups' newsletter, that you so missed out on....

Cheery bye,

and Irmi - sorry - there was just far far far too much bullshit.

Nick and the cups

Hey Nick I might have believed friendship with you was possible untill paul told me that it took him roughly 2 years to win your friendship so I dare say I had a chance in such a short time.  
even a potential friend would have at least thanked me for getting us to Oscars cow farm that scary honduran night.  
knaw,,,, I know it was rough on you, (not enough storage space in your bunk for the snickers and snacks) and ,with the dirty fucking cups issue,,,yea!!,     I just dont understnd the non ability (or is it a certain stubborness) that made it not possible to get over a few (I think) minor disagreements.  I will allways ponder those moments, and probly wont find the explanations desired.  

you seem to have still a bad taste in your mouth  ( not enough sarcazim) it was a simple idea, made complex my many ego`s.  everyone who left regrets a tiny bit or more, and we all cant help wondering what it would have been like to arrive in Panama, as when the times were good,, they werent too bad.  I did learn that there were way too many contestents, and after the exit of a few more folks the tour went along quite harmoniously.
 and you got to get to know Sara a little bit better,, possibly kindleing a freindship in record time. 
anyhoot,,, you were great when you were,,,, and I very much appreciate the time that you did spend on the projekt.  
obviously I was dreaming of a dream that was not possible in reality at least with some of the poor victims that chose to let themselves be sold like slaves to impossible dreams of the like I had.
I allways thought I might be the first to leave, and like paul,,, Irmi would have had to come along too.
The key phrase I remember you saying was ,, I have a lot of money on Board,, (in the safe)  somehow I thought that statement was connected to a possible prison break. 
                                               money is one of the keys to independence!.

hey I dont mind the pointy finger stuff,, its a sign of defense, or even offense,,, I like all that stuff,, I like the pain that you and I caused each other,,,, I cryed everytime someone left the tour,,,, I also dont feel as guilty or confused as when the drama hit the fan,,,, It was just a part of our piddily lives,, and the ego`s got crazy sometimes,, I mean come on,,, folks are dieing of diseases and starvation,,(arnaud allmost died from one of those)  why would I hold onto grievences that were of such a small magnitude,,, 
yea,, Im just blabbing now,,
Nick thank you very much for making the attempt,,, for taking time out of your life to try and help me reach my 26 year dream,,, (which only 2 of were spent organizing) (if you call what I do organizing) 

Nick, I am a nobody with nothing going nowhere, and somewhat proud of it.  you on the other hand are a great and wonderfull person who has earned his place and continues to make smart and responsible descisions. 
I think the reasons you left  were very valid especially considering who you are. 
and incidently,, I threw the carpet out finally, too much bullshit stained into its fiberistic (a true word just probly mispelled) memory banks, it realized I was the only one really not actually walking on it, cause in the tour I was actually walking on air. 
oh, and I also cut the hand of luck off,waiyt,, I mean wacked off with the hand of luck.

                                              Keys is one of the money to independence              
your potential friend still!
P:S Irmi naturally agrees with you on the too much bullshit theory.

To Brady from Nick
Thanks - I'm sure the others will be as equally amused by your sociopathic  ramblings,
cheery cheery bye bye.

Nick I forgot to ask you why you did not tell me about your knowledge of the jake brake,(before you quit) did you want the people on the bus to die? (after you quit)  I thought you were our safty maneger!  Nick,,,  as a sociopath,, Im curios! Nick  you seem to have so many little secrets 
what else,,, OH Yea,,, I wanted to remind you that you broke your contract,, and as you may have red,,, I am entitled to hassle you for the rest of your life,, cause thats what the contract states. 
anyhoot,, check ya round , Quitter!
Brady the sociopath B.
P:S, please dont tell the others!
So hey nick, whats up,, ?  I sometimes think of you,,,,,, and Irmi and I are still curious as to what it was that made you quit there at the border.  I rememebr you wanted to have a meeting in front of everyone,,, but it never happend,,,, 
Its no biggy if you dont want to talk about it,,, I just thought that now that it is over it might be easier to talk about.
were just curious,,,,, anyhoot.   we are back in Oregon now after a long drive,,, the bus did pretty amazing eh,, wouldnt you say!!
ok,, well, asta la vista Baby
Brady B.

hi nick, are you ever gona rite me bak?  what happend to the hole humor thing??  its just fun and games isnt it,, or as u poot it,, its just words.  is it really so beneath you??
Irmi is startin to think your not really sorry. 
Brady B.

Hey Nick,, Im not sure if you are recieving e-mails because you havent written back,,, I want you to know that Irmi and especially me,, continue to think about the times when you and the rest of the gang were adventureing along in the bus.  Its hard to have a conversation with you if you are not present,, and the same goes with e-mailing,,   we dont fully know the reason you descided to quit,,, you never really detailed it as you prepared your stuff and left that day on the border of honduras.and you never mentiond why you left afterwards either.    I guess thats why it seems like I am sort of fishing.   I know the whole thing is over and most have moved on,, (me too believe it or not)  but since i have this hobby interest in social interaction,, I cant help but continue to enquire as to what your beef was,,,, I review the couple of tense times that you and I had,, and I wonder what it was that tipped the scale for you.?   
If you think that I bugged you,,, let it be known that you bugged me too.  
im not suggesting we try to be friends or make up or anything so down to earth,,,,,  im just curious as to what your real reason for jumping off the bus was,,, sickness,,, bumbd-outness,,, or was it something I said or did?  
as much as I seem to push your buttons, i am easy going about it all,, and did not ever mean to hurt you in such a way as to never have a correspondence with you,, I really did appreciate the good times we had,, which I agree were unfortunetly few,,,, though incrementally speaking, we did not have a lot of time to explore or get thru the bumpyness.
anyhoot,,, give me a sign of where you are,, 
we are also collecting photos from others, as we did not allways have the time,, or were not in a good position to take photos sometimes,,, so we would love to get some from you ,, if you are amenable. 
Brady B

Brady ....hello.

I don't have anything to give to you except advice and you have nothing that I desire - so where is the conversation ? You hate advice. You said the evening before I left that if I didn't like the way things were then I should leave - I left. Nothing was going to change - so I left. Nothing did change so the others left. All the answers are within you and all I have to offer you is advice on how to not continue making the same mistakes for the rest of your life and alienating family and friends until you meet your maker. You like and pretend to like things that others don't - we are not all the same.

I came to see the world, perform, have an adventure and be in a group I respected. It was your job to organise the trip well enough in advance to ensure its smoothest running and preparation. Paul did no performing, I did little, you made sure we didn't see the sights, and intentionally created tension as that is what you like. I saw the world, performed, had an adventure, and was with a group I respected after I left.

Look inside you and you will see an angry man who is angry with the world, and so the world is angry back at you. There are those that give and those that take, and few that give with one hand and take with the other whilst disguising their motives.

Your instinct is to argue with me - if you do you won't get a response - I'm not interested - why would I be - you aren't part of my life - I have no interest - the tour has ended - the people have moved on, and have all learnt many lessons from their experiences - you seem to be struggling to learn yours - but the answers are not out there for you - they are inside you.

Have fun,
not at others expense,
all I can give is advice - I have nothing else for you.


Hi Nick.
It looks like it is time for me to talk also a little bit about what I observed.
I was always wondering why you apologised to me when you left?

You quit, because of personal issues with Brady, but this can not be the only reason.
... you were not able to work it out or to argue or negotiate and let go of your stubbornness and break through Brady's.
You wanted to be treated fair because you did many wonderful things for the tour and you gave a lot of your knowledge into things to make them secure and perfect.
Sometimes so perfect that people were shaking their heads. Because it was to perfect in an imperfect world.
The first days without you and Paul, we thought; we will never make it.
But you know we made it.
I remember one of you saying, that we can not even make it out of Oscars farm.
We did make it out, easy.
You must have thought and also made us thought, that we are complete idiots.
Did you?
We did.
We are back, we had accidents and we all survived.
When you were a part of the tour it was great, because you and Paul, you both were special characters and you gave this group of young hippies a special touch of English distance.
That you did not perform so much, I thought was because you did not feel so well...... that's not Brady's fault or mine.
Paul was into the music, I asked him a few times and he never said that he was interested in performing. So this you both have to blame on yourself.
It is strange that you have this absolute made up mind about Brady and the tour, you don't give him or us any credit that we made it happened in the first place.
You must have had the most terrible time, the most horrifying experiences, the most disappointing hours in your live in this one and a half month.
But hey it is over, nooboddy iss perfectt!
Especially we are not.
And the tour was never advertised as a perfect, wonderful, only fun,a lot of shows, healthy tour. You say in your letter: It was your job to organise the trip well enough in advance to ensure its smoothest running and preparation.... 
You know what I think that the most stupid thought I ever heart from you.
Next time you better book with Neckermann.
Sure you had more fun and saw more when You and Paul were on your own, everybody had more fun and freedom by themselves, also Brady and I.
All the artists moved on and lost any interest or think further about the experiences they made, I think. Because everybody blames what happened on Brady or me... not the good times that's something Brady and I had no influence on.... the bad times.

In your letters to Brady is some truth  and you know what,... he is taking your advice and search in himself for some answers since you have non for him because he is not part of your live.

Why don't you take some of the advices you gave to Brady for yourself.
Brady at least admit to some of his mistakes and so me.

When you left and took Paul with you, you started the movement, the artist saw a way to get out.
Brady wanted to finish with everybody in Panama.
Personally I was not to attached to this goal. I felt also much better and could take live easier when we were less people. There was so much pressure to do the right things (not knowing what is the right thing) for everybody on the side of Brady.
That's why we are both reflecting the last 6 month and find out what happened also to get back in shape so we can do it again and make it different, smoother, better.

You made us think a lot.
And we like it, because this is still part of the tour and you are involved if you like it or not.
You started the movement, because your feelings were hurt and so you wanted to hurt back.
And you did.


Ps: Do you have some pictures from the tour..... it would be great for the history. 

Hi Irmi - I really don't have anything to say - I wish you could both just leave it all alone - poking people to stir a response is not going to help -it just pisses people off. Brady has poked everyone in many different ways in order to provoke a reaction that he can then try and control - please don't do that yourself. I have no regrets about coming on the trip, leaving the trip, or anything I said or did whilst I was there or here. You are trying to pick to pieces a complicated turn of events by focusing on individual words, events and conversations, and you are completely missing the big picture. If more organisation had been done then there would have been less problems and less stress and more fun. If Brady was easier to get along with and less of a control freak then also things would have been easier. I'm not going to get into a question and answer session with you or him - the only thing that will come of it is more ill feeling as fingers are pointed and people are held to account whilst scapegoats are found.

I suggest you move on and stop poking people, and try and find a way to accept things, otherwise you will end up with no good memories and just a feeling of anger towards many good people who are not worthy of that title. I don't make friends easily, but I made many on that bus, as there were some great people there - you have both alienated yourselves from them by your actions then, and you are continuing to do the same now.

If you continue hassling me I will just set up a filter to send your mail straight to the bin - I'm not bothered, - I have far more important things to get on with in my life, and I really don't know why I have spent this long writing this much as I simply don't have time to.

I was there, I left - I have no obligation to tell you anything more than that if I don't want to, and the more you poke me the less I will talk with you. Others were there, and others left - they all left for their own reasons, in their own time - maybe you pushed them but didn't even realise it ? Brady always expected people to leave - so why the surprise ?

Please don't continue with this inquisition.

Have a good tour in Europe,


Hallo Nick.
And O.K. Nick.
Just one last question.
Do you have some or a lot of pictures from the tour what you want to send to us.
This would be great.
A CD Would be cool as well.

Have a good summer and enjoy as well.

Hey nickaroo,  coupla points.  you started your last letter with I dont have anything to say,  and then four paragraphs later you finsished.  
and whats up with you allways useing the we thing,,,,,  (you got a mouse in your pocket)

""you allways threaten to take your Ball and go home".  still.

P:S  so, no  photos eh?

Hey Nick,,,, hows things,,,,, you dont write me anymore,,,,, are you still peeved at me?  have you let any of it go?   do you think you`ll allways kind of be a baby,,,,, 
Im sorry , I just have to rib you a little bit,,,,,, 
were going thru fotos, and doing the album thing,,,, there were some really fun moments,,,, even a few with you,,,,,, I mean before you got sick.
dont worry,, your not the only Baby.  we all throw diffrent kinds of tantrums.  your girlfriend knows about that i bet,,,, like mine. does too.
boys cry more than girls,,, 
Im sure you wont write back,,, but if you do,, be easy, im sensitive also.
kisses and hugs,, (on the cheek) 
Brady the B.